Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Old white tee and yellow jeans


I feel old.

Over the weekend I ran into a friend who I haven't seen since high school. It forced me to look at myself through my 17-year-old self's eyes.  Ugh! Why does the teenager in me still have to be such an opinionated asshole?  Anyways, it was awkward.  I stood there nodding, repeating whatever she said with nearly 20 years of memories short circuiting my brain..."We should catch up!"... "Yes, yes, we should catch up! We should!"  Catch up?  How could we possibly catch up? University, apartments, boyfriends, traveling, jobs, CFA, career all settled and in the past...now I am wife, mom...and...blogger?    

I am old.

I saw a teenager out grocery shopping with her mother (trailing behind her mom through the store like it was the last place on the planet she wanted to be). I liked what the teenager was wearing (ripped up tee and jeans), and not necessarily what the mom was wearing. I forget what the mom was wearing, but it was probably an old white tee with yellow jeans - ha!

Still sugar-free (and dairy-free)

I am closing in on my pre-baby weight. I am getting impatient. But wait - didn't I do this to be healthy?

BORing!

Over the weekend my younger brother opened 8footsix.com (his first time ever on the site) and started reading post after post out loud using a comedic voice. "I wrote that?! Come on...Stop it!" I think it was his way of making me feel silly for taking paint colours, or outfits, or whatever else I have been blogging about too seriously.  Actually, let's face it, he's just a jackass. Thanks a LOT Bam!  

ps. I said ass twice (oops three times!)...that's different!

20 comments:

  1. I've felt that way a lot lately. I suppose I'm seeing myself through my kid's eyes. And babysitters eyes. But hey, no point in dwelling on it. You look trendy and stylish!

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  2. First of all, love your neckless! Love it! I wore something big and chunky too today...you know why? Because I couldn't find anything that to wear to take kids to the Riverdale Farm!! I know it is just a farm, a dusty, smelly place but I used to feel stylish no matter where I used to go...now I don't feel stylish anymore so to make myself feel better about the whole (old black shirt and brown linen pants) I wore this big orange and green neckless that my father brought me back from Morocco...I feel your pain...but I keep telling myself, it is not the end of the world, worse things happening to people around the world...really like reading your personal posts, May be because I can relate.

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  3. Thanks Shadi!
    I have a couple theories why it is impossible to put myself together these days.

    I already shared the whole "fall/winter is easier because I can layer"

    I can not embrace my mom body. Ok, so this isn't really even baby weight left, but lazy weight from eating extra while pregnant...and a softness in my middle that was once (a very VERY long time ago now) rock hard and smooth. I just want to reshape myself into something long and lean, so clothes hang well again.

    Breastfeeding limits your wardrobe my choices...it really does...

    and here's the thing...when you are young, you could wear anything and look young and fresh, effortless...you wear your youth along with your outfit, the best accessory...at this age, effort shows

    I have surfed a ton of 'fashion' blogs and what I wore type blogs and I can't find one I relate to at all...so, even people who look 'put together' are being attacked by my inner eye roll. Am I being overly critical? Probably...

    Shopping list:
    - Vintage jeans in a perfect wash (Go down to Kensington market)
    - Black Booties & loafers
    - Oversized Black leather bag/purse

    Fall is coming, I will get my groove back!

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  4. How cute is this post?! Im so jealous of your insane ability to transform spaces. I want an 8Footsix makeover home edition, then clothing!

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  5. Send me photos of your space ... I will give you a virtual makeover!!!!

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  6. Awwwh - Shannon, we are all constantly changing, regardless of having kids or not. I'm sure when you were 17 you didn't feel that you were rocking your style - I sure wasn't. I look back at when I moved to Paris at 18 and I could kick myself for not wearing shorter skirts or tighter tops - no soft belly to speak of ;) I find that instead of looking back I'm trying to focus on today and looking forward to tomorrow - as long as we are healthy and happy, right? Unless I can't fit into that pair of pants I was sure still fit!!! And if I find another grey hair I think I'll start loosing it!

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  7. I really like your sandals. Would you mind sharing the brand?

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  8. You are right and you are RIGHT!
    I am probably the closest I've ever been to rocking my style!! I just want to nail it, but I am not sure where to pull inspiration from, or what is missing...

    I love a wife beater and loose jeans over a tight body...who doesn't? A fit body is part of my style, I guess! I am working toward it!

    I love fit shoulders and arms...and toned legs...and no rolls :)

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  9. Sure
    Franco Sarto, 'the artist collection' from Town shoes.
    I bought them about 6 weeks ago. VERY WEARABLE...I wear these for 3 hour walks!!

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  10. Called Griffen

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  11. Love your outfit, very bright and cheery.

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  12. WAIT Totally NOT Griffen....I don't see them online anywhere! But I bought them at Town shoes

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  13. I read Giulia's comment below and she's right. We are all changing. When I look back on how I looked when I was a teenager, I kick myself because I remember how insecure I was even though I looked pretty great. Damn - I was a model for a couple of years after high school and got recruited for it the night of my high school graduation. Now I'm at my heaviest weight, my feet hurt and back problems (I blame these on the weight.) I work at a university and the first time a student called me Ma'am, I was crushed. It's hard to realize that they see you as old. But of course there is good with aging too - I've let go of some of my neuroses, I have more confidence in my intelligence and I think, a bit of wisdom. Do I feel like I'm in my 40s? Not at all. Would I go back to being a teenager? No indeedy.
    Aging is hard and I've really been feeling it lately. I went shopping with a girlfriend today and had a great time. We embraced our flaws and felt good about ourselves (I love Anthropologie. I feel prettier just after being in that store.)
    This was day three of my sugar free life. I'm not doing dairy free but I've given up sugary dairy (yogurt and ice cream, I miss you already). I feel ok -it's definitely an adjustment - but I just ate the two best pieces of watermelon I think I've ever had in my life (it all tastes sweeter!) so I feel like I'm on the right path. It will be slow but hopefully I will start to see changes.
    I know what you mean about the fashion blogs too - I rarely see anything I aspire to. It's just not realistic. I guess that's why I like Pinterest - I've seen more on that site than any blogs.
    You have to keep trying and keep it fresh. It just makes you feel better no matter what size you are! :)

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  14. You are being INCREDIBLY too hard on yourself! I completely get having moments of insecurity and second guessing life's journey but lately as someone who enjoys reading your blog I find myself frustrated by some of your postings.
    Let's be serious, you are incredibly talented, intelligent, and beautiful - not to mention have a home and family that many people only dream of. As an educated stay at home mom in my young 30's, I too at times can relate to the nagging feeling that I am not enough. Whether its physical looks, not being a patient mother to my two young children, not having the magazine worthy house or not knowing what I want to do in my professional life, I truly do get all those feelings.
    However, I try to remember at the end of the day that all those silly superficial feelings and judgements hold little value in regards to what matters most in a meaningful life.
    Am I the same size I was when I was 15? Hell no! Do I look like a teenager - ah that's probably a huge no as well. But that's OK! People grow and change, time chugs on and we have to enjoy the ride and not take ourselves soooo seriously.
    Embrace your life, talents and "mom body" because you honestly have no reason not to :)

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  15. I had an 'I am OLD' moment this week. Needed a driver's abstract, which shows the date I became a driver. 1994. Wow.

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  16. Wow! A few weeks ago I commented that I loved your Dolce Vita sandals. Dolce Vita has identical ones, also ridiculously comfortable.

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  17. Hi Lindsay!
    You are right. I have been preoccupied with some pretty shallow stuff. It's cool to be called out on it. I am in the business of taking myself very seriously (I don't know what that means, i just felt like saying it ;)

    Time scares me. I don't want to go back. I just can't believe that WHOOOOSH - so much of my life has been experienced and carved into history. Whole chapters have been written. How did that happen? When did that happen!?

    I KNOW these days with my boys will be among the happiest of my life!

    If I picked a year to be stuck in...it would be when I was 22...backpacking through Europe after University. However...I want to update that! I don't see why 34 can't be just as great! I am working on it!

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  18. I didn't think of it as changing...a more positive way to think of aging!

    Watermelon, corn, peaches, cherries...all taste DIVINE right now! It gets pretty easy to pass on the white stuff!

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  19. Thanks H2H!

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  20. Thanks JF!!

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