Thursday, November 7
Lost in space
Eat right, sugar is poison, flour is poison, exercise regularly, TV is evil, walk more, detox, juice cleanse, moisturize, floss...
Every once and a while, we need a lost day. You know, it's cold and drizzling outside: not wet enough to pull out the umbrella, but guaranteed to make your mittens soggy. You stay in bed watching TV, or reading, munching on crackers (crackers in bed, ha!), take a nap, leave the clean laundry in piles to put away later...the sky, that never really looked bright, starts to darken and you realize it is past supper time. That's a lost day.
Laziness? Nah...I like to think of it as a mental health retreat. A ritual we partook in before having kids, and one that I think I would benefit from now. My husband still manages the odd lost afternoon, but I rarely take the time to slow down.
Slow down? What the hell am I doing everyday, anyways? Well, I have responsibilities! Money that won't spend itself! Corners of the house cluttered up with life, corners that MUST BE organized. The children need to smell nice, and play nice, and pee in the toilet (Why is it so difficult to aim that thing, anyways?) There are meals to prepare from scratch. The dishes need to be put away. One can not just sit in bed.
I have to admit I am no longer sure what is important in life. Dana's book shook me a bit. Then, Thich Something Hanh's buddist teachings seeped in. This week I read Bliss, by Peter Carey, he mocks the middle class and gave me a few sharp jabs in the ribs with a boney finger. I am now reading non-fiction. History of the dutch empire.
A little lost
I want to learn to meditate - - - isn't that just adding another layer of complexity to the day? ...and smug, a way of trying to be better than you?
I want to find some of the people I've lost. I said it before, there are so many people I let drift out of my life. What would happen if I invited them all over to my house? To sit in my living room. Sounds like I want to live in the past - not exactly. I want them to know that they were very important in my life and I still carry them with me! Of course, I forget so many names...sometimes I only have faces attached to my memories.
I am not feeling particularity creative. I turned thirty six. I lost my wanderlust. I have 15 more books to read to bring my 2013 quota up to 100. I keep getting a cold and/or flu. I would have appreciated knowing that it is possible for children to make it 4.5 years without sleeping through the night. My short term memory fails me over and over - I have notes written on scraps of paper tucked into gfi outlets and taped to the monitor (I write things down when I can find paper that hasn't been scribbled on).
I put the iphone down. Most of the day, it sits abandoned. I no longer panic when I forget where it is.
Change in seasons. Spring is a time for renewal. What is fall? Fall is shopping for Christmas presents, and I hate the mall. I wish I could save everyone from the mall. (I hate supermarkets too). Hate is a strong word. I mean it for the mall, but supermarkets are ok.
My lecture series at U of Toronto started out strong. History, then art history. The last 3-4 topics fizzled. I want to look into the art professor's work. I want to own it (Buddha says we enter this world with nothing, we leave this world with nothing, attachment is the source of suffering)...I only saw the one image he put on his powerpoint slide, demonstrating vemeer's technique, but I like his style. I forget his name.
I am getting a cold again. I don't think I will leave the house this afternoon. The weather is not playing nice, and it's a rare chance to sit around a do nothing.